Doesn't Hurt More Than Being Alone
by le error
Summary: Based on the 2012 series. "Donny, I'm really sorry but I just don't think-" "April..." he quickly interrupted sharply, "I..I understand" Of course. Who could really love him anyways?. Includes Raph and Don brother moment.


_A/N: _I hope you guys are prepared for feels.

_I'm Sorry..._

He froze, staring into her icy eyes as his brain struggled to process her words like they were an ancient language. They looked at one another in silence both with sadness and regret.

_Wh..why..._

He looked away with wide eyes now staring at the pavement. His whole body felt hot with embarrassment and eyes stung on the verge of tears. He held it in. Not wanting to make April feel more uncomfortable. The way she stood, the way she looked at him and glance away...

"Ah..I don't know why I-I said that.." he stuttered, "I know.." he couldn't finish his sentence and let out a shaky sigh. It wasn't even worth it.

"Donny, I'm really sorry but I just don't think-"

"April..." he quickly interrupted sharply, "I..I understand"

Of course. Who could really love him anyways?

He heard the snuffle of feet coming towards him. Her brown boots came into view and then the most awful sensation he could ever endure..

A hand on his shoulder.

April felt him stiffen over her hand and she frowned, "Don, listen to me, you are really a good _friend _and I wouldn't trade anything in the world for that day that I met you. You saved me and I'm really thankful" she tried to make the situation better but as she spoke the turtle was already trapped in his own world. Then slowly he backed away from her letting her hand fall back to her side.

"Donny.."

He lifted his head briefly, to take one last look at her, before he darted the opposite direction away from her. April stood with guilt and sadness etching into her heart. His eyes were red and carried the weight of her rejection within. She couldn't bring herself to follow after him but she was scared for him. April resisted the urge to cry instead wiping the tears away and grabbed her mobile.

"L-Leo.."

"April, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

xx

x

He could hardly see where he was running to but it honestly didn't matter. He climbed onto the rooftops and just ran.

_I'm Sorry..._

Her words were a painful echo in his mind, a broken record, and a stab at his heart. How? How could he be so stupid? He should have known better and yet he acted on impulse. He always felt that way around her and now it was his downfall. He wanted to forget it. He wanted to forget the whole thing but it was like his mind was torturing him. Telling him to never forget his stupidity...

"_Tonight was really fun, Donny" April smiled at the purple turtle making him practically melt. Lost in what to say he rubbed the back of his neck and grinned, his tooth gap peeking a little and faint red at his cheeks. The red actually never faded throughout the night. April must have asked the turtle a few dozen times if he was okay and not catching anything for the cold weather. Donatello insist he was alright in fact he was having the best time of his life with her._

_Tonight he was going to tell her. _

_He was going to finally tell her how he felt about her. To say he was nervous was an understatement. His whole body was shaking and little warm which April noticed. He played it smooth, well at least he tried to. April would giggle at his awkwardness or his sudden habit of tripping over air. Little did she know it was just because he couldn't take his eyes off her. His heart was going to burst if he didn't tell her. He really needed to say it.._

_April suddenly wrapped her arms around his neck. Donatello was stun a little before awkwardly returning the gesture._

"_April..t-there's something I've been meaning to, uh, tell you actually.."_

_April let go and took a few steps back, still bearing a smile as she stared up at the turtle._

"_Sure" she stated simply. _

He jumped off from the edge, soaring over ally's below and landing heavily, clumsily, onto the next. However, his knees finally gave in stopping him in his blind attempt to try and reach the other end of the world. Anything..anything to just get away..

He brought his hands to his face and let out a small sob. He felt fresh tears pooling down and collecting into his palm. His body felt like it was on fire it was unbearable. He trembled as continued to cry loud at first before silencing himself with the escape of a whimper. Why did it have to be like this? She never liked him..s-she probably thought she was too go for him! That inside she couldn't bear the sight of the freak she claimed to be a friend. This was _her _fault.

"No..no..what am I thinking.." he whispered to himself. Of course not. This wasn't April's fault. It was his own. His own idiotic thought of even having a chance with a human of all things. He was a freak. His own life was surrounded with the constant reminder of rejection. Rejection from society, rejection of a normal life, friends, rejected from love...

_Donatello shifted his weight between both feet, his hands coming together to entwine and bend from side to side at the wrist. In his mind he was gathering his courage, the exact words he was going to use at the precious moment, and the responses she could come up-_

"_April, I really like you" _

_It came out without even thinking. Just as it left his mouth he wished he could grab it back and swallow it. No no no no. He had everything planned but he wasn't prepare for her sudden change of expression. It was like a hit to the gut. _

"_Donny..." she slowly started but he beat her to it. His heart was clenching tightly inside him and his stomach twisted into uncomfortable knots. He knew it. He messed up he ruined everything but he could fix it. Yes, he can fix it. _

"_Every time I'm with you you make my heart beat so fast that I might go into cardiac arrest. Hehe. You make my brain fuzzy a-and every time you look at me it's like you've trapped me. It's the greatest feeling ever, you, you make me feel like I can take on anything, April. You're the m-most beautifulest girl I've ever seen and I r-really..want us..us to...uh..I just want you and me.."_

_She stared at him with a dumbfounded expression. Her mouth was slightly open, eyes wide and glued to the purple turtle and completely speechless._

He punched his fist into the ground making him cry out. He cradled his hand to his chest, lowering his head and let out a sob. The pain in his chest and hand accumulated, fueling his anger that was tearing through his body and waiting to be released. He let out a cry of anger and used his injured to hit the concrete again and again and again and again and aga-

He felt his wrist began firmly held back into a painful hold. Donny turned his head in surprise, seeing the familiar green beside him and other bodies around him. The grasp lessen making him let out a pained gasp but it soon faded into a throb.

"Hey" Raphael's voice sounded first. Don saw his brother move in front of him with a frown and concern look. Donatello felt tears suddenly sprung from his eyes as he stared back at his brother. He closed his eyes and let himself to completely break in front of his siblings. He let loose his broken heart, his sorrow and pain.

"Come 'ere" this time it was Leonardo at his right side. He felt his gentle hand warp itself at the side of his head and the other on his shoulder. Pulling him to lay on his plastron which Don quickly yearned for. He rested against his brother as he cried. Feeling Michelangelo's comfortable hand in his and Raphael offering words of little reassurance.

"You'll be okay, little brother"

"_Donny...I'm sorry.."_

xx

x

It was a week since the incident. Donatello had been locked inside his room refusing to let anyone come inside. The only acknowledgment he gave to his brothers that he was still alive were simple one worded replies or grunts. He ignored Raphael's empty threats to bust down his door and drag him out. He remained silent whenever Mikey attempted to bribe him with games or food. Whenever Leonardo or even Splinter tried to make conversation with the turtle they were just given the simple 'I'm fine now go away' answers. He just wanted to be left alone. Was that too much to ask?

His room was pitch black minus the small light that came from underneath Donatello's blankets. He was nestled in his bed with pillows and blankets crowding around him like a shelter. He had his blankets covering his head along with his mobile, his shell cell, firmly grasped in his shaky hands. He had a blank expression as he stared at April's number and photo ID. The memory of how he cleverly obtained it and how he quickly took a photo of her when she wasn't looking. His rubbed the screen with his finger and let out a sigh. He canceled the action to escape the image on his phone but soon finding himself unable to part from it. He returned to the page with her number and photo. The overwhelming urge to cry built inside him...

"Donny?"

He tightly grasped the mobile in his hands, bringing it closely to his chest and closing his eyes.

_Go away Raphael..please.._

"Hey, can you come out I...uh..I just wanna talk" Raphael said. He was a little frustrated that he had to talk to the door instead of his brother. He promised himself he wouldn't get angry just for Donny's sake. Everyone was worried for the purple turtle. Donatello was barely coming out to eat if at all. He understood that he was hurting but Raphael couldn't just allow him to hurt himself like this. He sighed after waiting a few seconds after no reply. Possibly playing the 'I'm sleeping' card which he knew was bull crap.

"Donny!" Raphael knocked much louder for the others attention.

Still nothing.

He growled under his breath and he tired prying the door open with his hands. Donatello was the only one with a locked room much to his dismay. Raphael resisted the temptation to break the doors with his fists instead tried again.

"Don, can you just come out to eat something? I'll have Mikey make you something that doesn't wanna make you throw up"

Raphael waited and waited before finally he heard the sound of a small _click _then the slide of the door. Donny opened his door reveling his still miserable appearance. Raphael immediately noticed the dark bags under his eyes and felt himself get angry.

"How long have you been up?" Raphael asked but Don only shrugged his shoulders. The red turtle held back his fury and urge to yell. He gently placed his hand over Don's shell leading him away from his dungeon and into the land of the living.

They made there way into the kitchen where Mikey and Leo were sitting having a conversation. Mikey was stirring something in a large bowl while listening to Leo's banter. Once Raphael and Donatello appeared the two quiet themselves to look at their brother. Leo, like Raph, noticed Donny's ill appearance and alarmingly lanky form.

"Annd he rises! The beast from his cave emerges-"

"Shut it!" Raphael growled at the youngest. Mikey moved a couple of steps back and gave Donny a small smile. However, the turtle's eyes were narrowed, tired, and gazed at the counter in front of him. It was obvious that he was still reluctant to leave his sanctuary but he couldn't deny his hunger.

"Here, Donny, I'll get you something to eat and drink you can sit at the sofa" Raph told his brother. Don looked up and nodded before moving slowly back towards the living room.

"Wa- hmmm.." Leo lost his opportunity as Don disappeared from his sight.

"He still bummed, huh?" Mikey said with a small scowl as he furiously stirred.

"He needs to snap out of it" Raphael replied harshly.

Leo glared to the red turtle, "What? This isn't something you can just 'snap out' from. He really liked April he's devastated"

"Yeah, well, I give him another week before he forgets about the whole thing" Raph shrugged. Leo shook his head in disbelieve.

"Has she called at all?" Mikey asked.

"Once two days ago just to see if he was okay" Leo replied his tone apathetic. He couldn't deny his anger towards April for hurting his brother. Raphael was also just as mad at April even to go as far in saying that he was no longer allowed to be apart of their lives anymore. Mikey was torn which was understandable. April was there friend after all.

"Who cares about her" Raphael snarled, "What are you making anyways?"

"Cheese and chilly mix for nachos!" Mikey announced proudly. He looked into the bowl but then made a face.

"Well I bet it taste better than it looks"

"Give him something more settling for the stomach" Leo got up from the stool to look into the bowl and made a similar face, "Is it suppose to look like that?"

"What? You never had chilly before?" Mikey retorted.

"No. Is it suppose to have beans?"

Raph ignored the rest of the conversation and opened the fridge to see what he could give Don.

Donatello sat at the end of the sofa, his head resting on the arm rest and watched the blank television in front of him. His memories rushed back to him when she sat with him on the same side watching a funny comedy. They ate popcorn and once the movie was over the used the remaining to try and see if April could catch them in her mouth. He remembered when she sprained her ankle and stayed on the sofa with him close by. He watched her sleep, admiring her beautiful and rested features. He remembered quickly slip behind the sofa just as she began to wake and pretend he just came in to check on her.

"Donny"

Raph was in front of him with a case of jello and a large glass of water.

"This is just for now. I can make you some soup if you want" Raph attempted to hand Donny the glass of water, waiting for his response but it didn't come. Don continued to stare at the blank telly with eyes barely able to keep open.

"Donny!" Raph shouted. He was started to get angry ay his brother. This was getting ridiculous. He tossed the jello cups onto the sofa and placed the water on the ground.

"Snap out of it already! I asked you a question!" without thinking Raph roughly grabbed Donny's shoulders and shook him. Don snapped out of his trance and looked up at Raph with a startled and made a small whimper. Tears fell soon after which only made Raph feel horrible. He loosen his grasp and sighed. Don leaned forward placing his head on his brother's chest and wrapped is arms around him.

"Don.." Raph protested weakly but didn't move a muscle away from his brother. Raph listened to Don's sniffling and moans with an aching heart. Donny really needed him right now. Raph lifted Don's head away from his chest, regretting the action once he saw Don's pained expression.

"I need you to eat something"

"Tired.." Donatello whispered.

Raphael sighed, "Just..just eat at least two cups and finish this water, okay?"

Don nodded, "Okay.."

xx

x

Donny finished his small meal and drank his water. Raphael noticed that his little brother had trouble keeping his head up so he let Don sleep on the sofa. At least he could keep on an eye on him while he slept. Plus he might be able to convince him to eat some soup once he woke. Donny was already a head of Raph, he curled himself into a tight ball on the sofa and buried his face in the cushions. Raphael took the empty cups to the sink and glass then went to Donny's room to grab some blankets and pillow for him. He switched on the light to see that everything in his brother's room was neat and organized expect his bed. Sheets were everywhere including the floor and some pillows were missing their casing. Raph collected two blankets and a pillow that was on the ground just as he lifted the pillow something fell out. Donny's shell cell hit the ground with a loud _thud _and blinked on. Raph tossed the pillow on top of the blankets he was going to depart with and picked up the mobile. The screen was on, displaying an image of April and her contact information. Raph stared at the screen for a while before turning the mobile off and placing it on Donatello's desk. He sighed, lifting up the blankets and pillow and closed his brother's room.

Donny was still asleep in the same position when Raphael returned. He set the blankets down to lift Donny's head to place the pillow. Apparently, he wasn't quick enough and Don jerked awake. He stared up at Raph with half opened eyes. Raph noticed the tear streaks that still stained his brother's cheeks.

"You okay?" Raphael asked, placing his hand on Don's shoulder. Don blinked a few times but remained silent. Raph decided to let that one slide only because he didn't want to see Don cry.

He grabbed the blankets and carefully wrapped them around Donatello.

"Raph.."

He stopped what he was doing, "Wass up?"

Don turned his head a little, just enough to see Raphael. Raphael noticed that his eyes were starting to gloss a little as they stared at one another in silence.

"Don't leave.."

"I'll be here-"

"Stay here please.." Donatello begged through his grogginess, "I don't want to be a-alone.."

Something inside Raphael felt like it shattered into pieces in his stomach. A small tear escaped and slowly moved down Don's cheek. Raphael quickly caught it with his finger, trailing it all the way up to his eye and over his mask. Don closed it so that Raph could wipe his tears that collected.

"You'll never be alone, Donny, I promise you that" Raph carefully lifted Don's upper half so that he could sneak in. Don allowed him to take his pillow's spot, laying his head down on Raph's thigh was more comforting. After a few minutes of silence, Raphael caught the sound of Don's sobbing. It was low and almost faint as if he didn't want to be heard. He had his eyes shut tight and his body shook at every breath. Raphael was never good at comforting. Ask him to beat the guy instead but Raph wasn't a good shoulder to cry on.

He placed a reluctant hand over Donny's head, "It's okay, Don" Raph whispered to him.

"..loved her...loved her so much..."

"I know, dude, it's okay" Raphael listened to Donny's rambles trying not to get frustrated. Don stopped after a few minutes before slipping into slumber. Raphael sighed, feeling him relax a little but still unsettled at the same time. Here laid his brother in pain in misery from a stupid girl. Leo was the only one that was pulling him back from marching up to April and telling her off.

He laid his head back listening to the slow breathing from his brother.

He'll make it. He won't be alone through it.

_A/N: _This is my first TMNT story. How did I do? Did I get the personality down a little? I know I might have messed up on Raph but that's cause I wanted him to be a little soft towards Donatello. I like using Don's full name cause it's really nice sounding. Review please.


End file.
